• February 27, 2006
  • Posted by Marc

“Wooster’s How To…” #2 - Dave The Chimp’s “How To Quit Smoking”


Step 1.

Realise that cigarettes are a form of slavery, and make the decision not to suck corporate tobacco company cock any more. Those companies give thousands, if not millions, of dollars in support to George W Bush’s regime - why do you think, when the government banned you from taking nail files and knitting needles on airplanes after 9/11, they didn’t ban you from taking matches and cigarette lighters, despite a terrorist trying to set fire to explosives in his shoe? Tobacco company pressure, that’s why. Those bastards WANT you to light up as soon as you get off a plane. If you have enough money you can even buy the rights to put thousands of lives at risk. God Bless America!

Step 2.

stop putting cigarettes in your mouth and lighting them.

Congratulations! You’ve just freed yourself from slavery!! Now enjoy noticing that you have more energy, get more done, that smokers breath stinks like a dead dogs, and that people compliment you on how happy and healthy you look. Rejoice!! It’s amazing to be free!!